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Sheep 2000                    
Press Release

Microsoft is to release new Internet Software as part of Office 2000. We managed to obtain the following interview with Microsoft's Phill  P. Japsion about this exciting new work.

Q    I understand the new software is currently codenamed Sheep1.0. Is this the final shipping name?

A   No. Currently, we waiting for feedback from marketing before we make the final decision. However the front runners are currently "Sheep for Windows 95 (TM)" and "ActiveSheep".

Q   Do you have any year 2000 compatibility problems?

A    No. This is because we reckon that Office 2000 will hit the normal delays and thus not ship until 2001.

Q    Is it scaleable?

A    Yes. Sheep 1.0 can be run on a clustered NT network using Sequel Server 7.0 and the MS FLOCK API extensions.

Q    Is the a supported upgrade path?

A   A free upgrade for existing users of Lamb2.5 is available.

Q   Will there be regional support for long languages and requirements?

A    Yes. A special Direct-X compatible VR device is being developed for the Welsh and Australian markets.

Q   I understand that this VR unit has caused some problems during development?

A   Incorrect interfacing with the back-end software  can cause damage to the RAM. We hope to fix this by expanding the interface to handle more structures.

Q   Is your name an anagram?

A    Yes. But only to those aware of a particular in-joke at work.

Q   Microsoft base Sheep1.0 on their existing HerbivoreScript technology. NetScrapie based their equivalent Wolfpack product on CarnivoreScript. Sun are planning a cross-platform version called OmnivoreBeans. In such a competitive marketplace why should a developer pick Sheep1.0?

A   Well, independent tests performed here at Microsoft's labs show HerbivoreScript out performs CarnivoreScript by a factor of 0:1. Impressive I think you'll agree.

Q   I've heard rumours the system falls over a lot. Is this true?

A   Extensive user testing showed that user's preferred this way as otherwise newer PCs simply made the sheep to fast to catch.

Q   Will there be a plus pack like there was for Windows 95 and 98?

A   Yes. It will ship about 6 months after the official release of Sheep1.0. It will include screen-savers, desktop themes and gum boots. It will also include the new general Office recovery tool with its user-friendly interface, the Correct Office Wizard (COW).

Q   What is COW exactly?

A   If you're ever had a sheep fall over and not respond to a Rapid Engagement of Boot (RE-Boot for short), had it start to smell and had flies congregate on it's festering carcass, then COW is for you. Simply feed in the directory name containing the dead sheep and COW will process it for you. Unfortunelty, after processing it never releases more than 10% of the material ingested and therefore we've nick-named it "Bloody Stupid Experiment" (or BSE for short).