Jokes about men\n(Blonde jokes also avaliable!) 
How can you tell when\na man is well hung?\n\nWhen you can just barely\nslip your finger in between\nhis neck and the noose.
How do men exercise\non the beach?\n\nBy sucking in their\nstomachs every time\nthey see a bikini.
How do you stop a\nman from biting\nhis nails?\n\nMake him wear shoes.
When can you tell a man\nis planning for the future?\n\nWhen he buys two 6-packs\ninstead of one.
How many men does it take\nto open a beer?\n\nNone. It should\nbe opened by the time\nshe brings it to him.
How many men does it take\nto screw in a light bulb?\n\nOne. He just holds it up there\nand waits for the world\nto revolve around him.
How many men does it take\nto screw in a light bulb?\n\nThree. One to screw in the\nbulb and two to listen to him\nbrag about the screwing part.
How many men does it take\nto tile a bathroom?\n\nTwo. If you slice them\nvery thinly.
What did God say after\ncreating man?\n\nEnough practice.Time\nfor the production model.
What do you call a\nhandcuffed man?\n\nTrustworthy.
What does it mean when\na man is in your bed\ngasping for breath?\n\nYou didn't hold the pillow\ndown long enough.
What do you call a\nman with half a brain?\n\nGifted.
What do you do with a\nbachelor who thinks he's\nGod's gift to women?\n\nExchange him.
What should you give a\nman who has everything?\n\nA woman to show him\nhow to work it.
What do you instantly\nknow about a\nwell-dressed man?\n\nHis wife is good at\npicking out clothes.
What has eight arms\nand an IQ of 60?\n\nFour men watching\na football game.
What's a man's idea of\nhonestly in a relationship?\n\nTelling you his real name.
What's the best way to\nforce a man to do sit ups?\n\nPut the remote control\nbetween his toes.
What's the quickest way\nto a man's heart?\n\nStraight through\nthe rib cage.
Why are dumb blonde\njokes all one liners?\n\nSo men can understand them.
Why can't men get\nmad cow disease?\n\nBecause they're all pigs.
Why do some women have\nbruises around their navels?\n\nBlonde men are stupid to.
Why do little\nboys whine?\n\nBecause they are\npracticing to be men.
Why do men like\nsmart women?\n\nOpposites attract.
Why do men need instant\nreplay on TV sports?\n\nBecause after 30 seconds\nthey forget what happened.
Why do only 10% of men\nmake it to heaven?\n\nBecause if they all went,\nit would be Hell.
Why is it difficult to\nfind men who are sensitive,\ncaring and good looking?\n\nBecause they all have\nboyfriends already.
Why is psychoanalysis a\nlot quicker for men than\nfor women?\n\nWhen it's time to go\nback to his childhood,\nhe's already there.